Blockbuster Hit “How to Train Your Dragon” Evokes Intense Controversy

AP – The new film “How to Train Your Dragon” has been met with critical acclaim across the nation for its dramatic 3-D effects and heartfelt storyline. However, underneath all the fun and excitement lies a surprisingly large amount of controversy due to the acrimonious relations between dragons and humans.

Supporters of the newest Dreamworks production have praised its message “not to demonize our enemies, but try to better understand them and their way of life.” Nonetheless, activists have decried the movie for its “soft” and idyllic message and inability to portray the realistic and contentious conditions of global society. Many critics have been vehemently opposed to idea that “you can just give a dragon a piece of fish and then suddenly become best of friends.”

2012 Presidential Candidate Mike Huckabee made an even stronger proclamation, noting, “Unlike any war we have ever fought in this nation, this is not a war for soil. It is a war for our soul” apparently trying to win the prize for the worst play on words ever.

He later added, “We will either win it or we will lose it” a phrase notable for its adherence to the law of non-contradiction.

He concluded, “This nation must rally to the point where we recognize there is no compromise. There is no alternative. We must win; they must lose. Dragons must disappear from the face of the earth, or burly hairy-chested Vikings with Scottish accents. If this doesn’t convince you why we need prayer in schools, then I don’t know what will.”

Already over 37 deaths and 400 injuries have been reported across the globe mostly among idiotic and curious children who have harshly learned that lizard-human relations are much more strained than is portrayed in the blockbuster film.

One child has been reported in critical condition after being bitten and poisoned by a Gila monster. After a heated argument with his father, the child reportedly secretly ran away from home and attempted to scratch the beast on its chin, to “put it to sleep”.

Another child in Indonesia was viciously attacked by an injured Komodo Dragon. Upon seeing the reptile walking near his home with a hurt tail, he began building a new leather tail for the dragon with the hopes to teach the animal to fly one day.  Nearby villagers reported when he approached the dragon, he dropped a knife in front of the animal to show he meant no harm. The dragon was unresponsive to such  pacifist measures, and quickly pounced on the silly child.

Christopher Hitchens took a different approach, “The belief in dragons represent an existential threat to society. What we have to understand is … this is not really a war against dragons, this is not really a war against a specific reptilian species, this is a war against movements and ideologies that are fascist, that are anti-Western.”

He later added, “A lot of these sources of conflict would end if we just didn’t believe in Dragons in the first place. Like Gnomes, Trolls and Barack Obama, they are just figments of our imaginations. Has anyone actually seen any of them besides on television? The overwhelming passion that people have in these fictional objects is a major source of conflict and polarization of society today.”

Supporters of the film have claimed these incidences have been taken out of context. Barack Obama has effusively praised the film  for its ability to show that “the promotion of human rights cannot be about exhortation alone.  At times, it must be coupled with painstaking diplomacy. No repressive dragon can move down a new path unless it has the choice of an open door and universal health care.”

Democratic party leaders buttressed the sentiments of the President, saying those who opposed him as “racist” and “that their [the opposition’s] dissent is highly unpatriotic.”

Interestingly, the controversy does not lie purely on the right-wing of the political spectrum. For instance, notable purveyor of anything anti-American, Noam Chomsky has outspoken reservations about the movie. He writes, “I am not even sure that we should be promoting a movie about training dragons in the first place.  We should never even think about incorporating them into our culture and way of life. Such thinking is typical of Western nations, as it reeks of elitist paternalism that only perpetuates the worst of our imperialistic and interventionist tendencies. Anyone who trains a dragon is probably also a war criminal.”

When pressed for further comment, Chomsky was only heard mumbling something about “the fault of George W. Bush, and how this inter-species conflict would have never arose if the US didn’t bow to the Israel lobby.”

7-year old child Chris Rexton stated, “I thought it was a good movie, with a lot of funny scenes. I hope everyone else had fun watching it as well.”