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Posts Tagged ‘goofy’

Interracial dating….what about Asian dudes?

July 28, 2010 5 comments

Mr. Mcdoof back in action here…..

You should check out the comments here. Ta-Nehisi Coates’s readers have some interesting things to say about interracial dating. He wrote:

One rather consistent complain in comments in the interracial dating thread is lack of talk about how Asian-Americans fit into this.

Hrmm, take a walk through Central Park and inevitably you’ll see a beautiful HAPA (Half-Asian Person American?, not sure about what it means) baby, except the Dude is always white and the girl is always Asian.  Not that I have a problem, but the reverse is not nearly as prevalant so much so, you see Facebook groups like this. (Thanks Fert)

A few factors I might posit as to why (along with their actual significance):

1) Prevailing stereotypes about Asian (I suppose specifically, Korean) guys beating their wives and treating them like garbage. Apparently, every Asian person who isn’t a weak-kneed pansy is a misogynistic and sexist jerk.

Not that significant; though for example, Jin-Soo Kwon in LOST spoke terrible Korean, but apparently inherited the K-gene that inclined him to berate and beat his wife for the first few seasons I still love you LOST, no I don’t, that ending was a huge Lebron James cop-out.

2) Terrible Asian male film roles: Apparently Asian guys are only useful when we need to find ourselves a Karate instructor after we get beaten up by bullies or if its about well, Asian people.

Somewhat significant, if not a cause, at least a reflection of society’s views on the masculine Asian dude.

3) Maintenance of Asian culture is easier with a White Dad/Asian Mom combo than vice-versa. I know a lot of Korean parents who express concerns that they want their grandchildren to be raised “Korean”

I think this is pretty significant as well and actually a solid reason. Many guys make the same judgment call here.

4) Rampantly one-sided yellow fever. White girls aren’t into Asian guys the way white guys are into Asian girls. Seems to be a fact of life. Ask any Asian guy what he would do to date a white girl, he would probably give up a kidney or finger. Yes see this.

Yo have you seen Min’s girlfriend?”
“What is she pretty?”
“No, she’s white!!!”
“What? No way!!!!”

One guy commented on Coates’s blog:

That said, there’s an empirical reality out there. Using most surveys, or census tabulations of interracial households, interracial relationships involving Asian-Americans exhibit greater gender disparities than any other set of relationships. There’s an enormous amount of scholarship out there intending to explain this, much of it revolving around the gendering of race – the notion, in this case, that Asians have been constructed as effeminate and submissive, rendering women exotically desirable but not men. I’ve also seen the idea floated that given the relatively rigid and traditionally patriarchal construction of some Asian communities, it may be that women are more likely to seek escape from such strictures through an interracial liaison, while men are likely to shun such relationships inasmuch as they require the abandonment of privileged status. Or, in a third theory that offers a twist on the second, that women who acquire education, careers, and a measure of independence are sometimes considered too modern or independent, and so seek relationships outside their community because they cannot build them within it. And then there’s the notion that, in cultures that place enormous emphasis on patrilineality, dutiful sons may feel tremendous pressure to preserve the continuity of family and tradition via endogamous marriage, whereas daughters may not.

China’s one-child policy created incentives for families to raise boys and many Asian girls flock to fawning white guys.  This increases the amount of single Asian males to Asian females (last time i checked i think the ratio stands roughly at 15:1). At this rate, we should see thousands of Asian male zombies rioting on the streets or attacking each other like horny and rabid chimpanzees.  Nope they’ve found a different outlet. Maybe this is why all my single, Asian guy friends are so damn excited instead about this:

Just sayin’. Why care about the real world when you could be a master of the universe!

Yes, this is an awards show for “pro-gamers” who kick butt at games like Starcraft. Ahhhh yes, you roll your eyes and laugh at how stupid it is a country can put so much stock in people playing a game that has zero consequence on real world matters, like for instance putting a ball in a hoop, into the back of a net or kicked through yellow uprights. Oh yea….never mind we’re all douchebags.

As for me, I will try my best not play it. Whenever I find a vice, I tend to do too much of it. I figure Starcraft might be one of those things.

Flustered Mcdoof

Categories: Satire Tags: , ,

Blockbuster Hit “How to Train Your Dragon” Evokes Intense Controversy

May 31, 2010 1 comment

AP – The new film “How to Train Your Dragon” has been met with critical acclaim across the nation for its dramatic 3-D effects and heartfelt storyline. However, underneath all the fun and excitement lies a surprisingly large amount of controversy due to the acrimonious relations between dragons and humans.

Supporters of the newest Dreamworks production have praised its message “not to demonize our enemies, but try to better understand them and their way of life.” Nonetheless, activists have decried the movie for its “soft” and idyllic message and inability to portray the realistic and contentious conditions of global society. Many critics have been vehemently opposed to idea that “you can just give a dragon a piece of fish and then suddenly become best of friends.”

2012 Presidential Candidate Mike Huckabee made an even stronger proclamation, noting, “Unlike any war we have ever fought in this nation, this is not a war for soil. It is a war for our soul” apparently trying to win the prize for the worst play on words ever.

He later added, “We will either win it or we will lose it” a phrase notable for its adherence to the law of non-contradiction.

He concluded, “This nation must rally to the point where we recognize there is no compromise. There is no alternative. We must win; they must lose. Dragons must disappear from the face of the earth, or burly hairy-chested Vikings with Scottish accents. If this doesn’t convince you why we need prayer in schools, then I don’t know what will.”

Already over 37 deaths and 400 injuries have been reported across the globe mostly among idiotic and curious children who have harshly learned that lizard-human relations are much more strained than is portrayed in the blockbuster film.

One child has been reported in critical condition after being bitten and poisoned by a Gila monster. After a heated argument with his father, the child reportedly secretly ran away from home and attempted to scratch the beast on its chin, to “put it to sleep”.

Another child in Indonesia was viciously attacked by an injured Komodo Dragon. Upon seeing the reptile walking near his home with a hurt tail, he began building a new leather tail for the dragon with the hopes to teach the animal to fly one day.  Nearby villagers reported when he approached the dragon, he dropped a knife in front of the animal to show he meant no harm. The dragon was unresponsive to such  pacifist measures, and quickly pounced on the silly child.

Christopher Hitchens took a different approach, “The belief in dragons represent an existential threat to society. What we have to understand is … this is not really a war against dragons, this is not really a war against a specific reptilian species, this is a war against movements and ideologies that are fascist, that are anti-Western.”

He later added, “A lot of these sources of conflict would end if we just didn’t believe in Dragons in the first place. Like Gnomes, Trolls and Barack Obama, they are just figments of our imaginations. Has anyone actually seen any of them besides on television? The overwhelming passion that people have in these fictional objects is a major source of conflict and polarization of society today.”

Supporters of the film have claimed these incidences have been taken out of context. Barack Obama has effusively praised the film  for its ability to show that “the promotion of human rights cannot be about exhortation alone.  At times, it must be coupled with painstaking diplomacy. No repressive dragon can move down a new path unless it has the choice of an open door and universal health care.”

Democratic party leaders buttressed the sentiments of the President, saying those who opposed him as “racist” and “that their [the opposition’s] dissent is highly unpatriotic.”

Interestingly, the controversy does not lie purely on the right-wing of the political spectrum. For instance, notable purveyor of anything anti-American, Noam Chomsky has outspoken reservations about the movie. He writes, “I am not even sure that we should be promoting a movie about training dragons in the first place.  We should never even think about incorporating them into our culture and way of life. Such thinking is typical of Western nations, as it reeks of elitist paternalism that only perpetuates the worst of our imperialistic and interventionist tendencies. Anyone who trains a dragon is probably also a war criminal.”

When pressed for further comment, Chomsky was only heard mumbling something about “the fault of George W. Bush, and how this inter-species conflict would have never arose if the US didn’t bow to the Israel lobby.”

7-year old child Chris Rexton stated, “I thought it was a good movie, with a lot of funny scenes. I hope everyone else had fun watching it as well.”

Categories: Uncategorized Tags: ,

Banker’s “Social Life

April 30, 2010 1 comment

Sorry, if you already saw this. I just split the vids into separate sections for your viewing pleasure.

No wait, he’s still a doofus. You sort of feel bad for the guy……then again maybe not if you worked under him

Check out the youtube page: http://www.youtube.com/user/conspicuouscynic

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Categories: Satire Tags: ,

2B2F

April 23, 2010 2 comments

If you enjoy, please share with your friends or tweet this post!  But please don’t let this happen to you:

I emailed it around to everyone in my office, most of the people didn’t get it though – we got a strange crew here, I actually lost my mass emailing privileges over it

Everyone’s favorite banker shows us he’s not a total doofus: (a little self-deprecating humor in there as well)

Too Big to Fail

Vodpod videos no longer available.

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circa 2007….

April 18, 2010 6 comments

Hey I got another video out for you guys.

Thanks to Adnan for the inspiration, Jon Raviv for some help. Most of the analysis came from Neil Shenai’s latest article in Huffington Post. Check it out if you can

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A day in the life of an analyst

April 10, 2010 74 comments

Ever try explaining banking to your mom?

I am starting a new series at Wall Street Oasis: FOLLOW THE NEW SERIES ON WALLSTREETOASIS

If you guys have enjoyed these vids, please donate to this charity: http://www.newcitykids.com/donate.html

Been getting crazy hits, thanks for visiting guys! Special thanks to Livy, Matt, Neil and Shereef as well as much inspiration from “The Bullpen”. A new video will be coming shortly! Meanwhile check the rest of the blog!

Youtube Page: http://www.youtube.com/user/conspicuouscynic

Xtranormal | Text-to-Movie

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Want more videos?!!

2: Video about the Abacus deal
3: 2B2F
4: Banker’s Social Life
5: Banker meets Football Coach

Put the videos together in a series for those who are too lazy to click through all of that.


Categories: Satire Tags:

Korean school in Korea

April 5, 2010 Leave a comment

As some of you may know, I am attempting to learn Korean in Korea.

I thought my program would be filled with students like me, American-Born Koreans wholly incapable of putting Korean sentences together without looking like a fool. Nonetheless, I’ve realized the program is quite diverse as there are a ton of Japanese/Chinese/Other Asian people, as well as the rare few from other nations. I’ve broken down some of the different people I’ve come across.

1) Studious Japanese Girl

This girl will kick your ass if you are in a class with her.  Don’t let the cute demeanor, Hello Kitty pencil case or deferential nature fool you; this girl probably speaks Korean better than my aunt in Seoul. When she smiles, says an impeccable “Anyonghasaeyo” and gives you the peace sign, run, don’t walk, and beg to be put in a different class. She will bow and apologize to the teacher for coming in two minutes early.

Note-taking is hurried but impeccably neat, bad jokes by the teacher are politely giggled at (one hand covering mouth, other hand covering skirt), and rote memorization of data is done at a pace that rivals your latest PC computer. She is the praying mantis of exchange students, except after she eats you up in reading, writing and speaking she’ll bow dutifully and say  “arigato goizaimasu” to you as you lay there stunned and defeated. There are no atheists in a classroom with the SJG. She is an unstoppable force of academic might and is probably the reason why you lazily watch football on a crystal clear Sony, cruise comfortably in a Honda Accord and why you have sudden subliminal urges to to obey Lord Hirohito and destroy Westerners.

2) The WTF are you wearing.

(I know he’s Korean……)
Usually from Japan/China, this guy has pants that are tighter than those of your girlfriend. His hair is a different style everyday and always has a streak of coloring. Most of this guys time is spent either borrowing his friends mirror or in the bathroom making sure every strand of hair is is perfectly in place. Wearing of non-flamboyant shirts seem impossible as some combination of swooping V-necks, tight pink, jean shirts are in place. Belt buckle is extremely ostentatious and this man can accessorize better than your Hannah Montana-watching adolescent girl.

Girls are even more confusing.  Glasses larger than the face, black and white striped shirt, yellow colored beret, jean miniskirt over green colored stockings, pink boots. Next day, more ill-matching attire and accessories, which makes even Lady Gaga cry WTF.  This phenomena can only be explained if you were to tell me her daily attire is randomly chosen by Andrea Bocelli at a Salvation Army outlet. Rule of thumb seems to be, if it matches, don’t wear it together.

3) Freakin’  White guy

(Forgive me, I know the pic shows a Japanese flag)

Most are from the US.  No real reason for them to be here. I see around 50 white dudes and 2 white girls. If the businesses they worked for really needed their employees to learn Korean, I am sure they don’t need only their male employees to learn the language. For this, I am highly suspicious of their motives. Most of them when asked why they are here give your token, “I enjoy Korean culture and cuisine” and smile. This is of course a lie, for he could kill two dogs, i mean, birds with one stone by eating bosintang.

Realistically, his presence is a natural response to the economic phenomena known as “Supply and Demand”. Korea provides an endless supply of Korean women that he demands. Thus his countenance rivals that of an unneutered bulldog at the Westminster Dog Show and is essentially walking around with a sign that says, “I have U.S. citizenship”. Korean aptitude is surprisingly strong for a “gringo” though not at all surprising once your realize this gentleman was also a chairmen of his respective school’s KSA.

4) American-born Korean tough guy

(I have no idea who this guy is, poor dude)
If any of you live in an area that has more than a few Koreans, you know who I am talking about as they have probably picked fights with your parents, baby sister or wheelchair-bound grandmother.  For those who don’t know, the only way I can describe it is if you took the personalities of the guys on the Jersey Shore and put them in the bodies of skinny Korean kids who are trying too hard. Smoking cigarettes and saying the word “Fuck” seems to be their form of sustenance as only this can seem to explain why both are done with such frequency and conviction.  For some, Korea seems to be their last outlet for redemption.  Living in America for all their life seems not to be a sufficient condition for them to learn proper English. Thus they are in desperate search for job qualifications other than demeaning women and picking fights with people. Others, are here chilling out and looking for a party every night hoping that this program is actually the “Loveboat” their friends (who attended in the past) told them about. This second variety though is rare this time around, as most come during the summer after the semester is over at school. Korean aptitude is usually poor and nonfunctional except in a setting when ordering drinks or asking  a girl for her number.

Mr. McDoof

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Categories: Satire Tags: ,
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