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A day in the life of an analyst

Ever try explaining banking to your mom?

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2: Video about the Abacus deal
3: 2B2F
4: Banker’s Social Life
5: Banker meets Football Coach

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  1. Dro
    April 13, 2010 at 9:04 am

    lmao… this is hilarious.

    • Career Banker
      April 15, 2010 at 9:19 am

      For all you banker haters: go back to your sad 9 to 5, 40K paying jobs and leave bankers alone. When this analyst goes to HBS or Wharton and then goes on to run the world, your sorry fat ass would still be in a deadend job, hating someone else for making all the money. Ever wonder why there are more people looking to become bankers (especially at the analyst level) than there are bankers around? Not everyone’s cup-a-tea but those who make it work, make more money in one year than you, your dads and grandads will make in their lifetime. Oh and yes, making money is EVERYTHING.

      • Former Banker
        April 15, 2010 at 10:00 am

        Career Banker:

        It’s very clear to me that you’re a college junior, in pathetic anticipation of his summer analyst internship.

        Here’s some simple math:
        1st yr analyst all-comp (3 yr avg.): $130k. Avg. working hours/wk: 100. Vacation weeks/ yr: 1. Hourly wage: $25.5

        On top of all of that, you’re occupation boils down to that of a glorified salesman.

        But shit, if you’re fucking dumb enough to be enamoured by it…enjoy.

        • Associate
          April 22, 2010 at 10:22 pm

          Not really accurate. Hours a week more like 70-80 on average. Total comp (inc. bonus) more like $200k-$250 p.a. Not bad for a 23 yr old.
          But the the key is where it takes you – no better training ground or opportunities are available. A few short years later you’ll be on $500k plus – so it’s a priceless ticket to real wealth. I think most people do understand that – there are thousands of brilliant young kids lined up around the block for these jobs.

          • hawks
            April 25, 2010 at 4:30 am

            Associate: not sure what banks you’ve been working at, but you obviously don’t have any idea what the base pay is for first years on the street. 70 flat plus that all too variable bonus, but a few of my friends who are first years got 60K being in the top bucket. $130K isnt anything to laugh at when you’re 23, but that’s a far cry from your misinformed quotes.

            Not to mention: please show me the i-bank that has their first year coverage analysts working 70 hours a week. Even when you get to the private guys that have a “better work life” are still looking at 90 most of the time…get to a bulge bracket and a 100 hr week is “good”

            I am strongly siding with Former Banker here…his numbers are actually reflective of the street. and his opinions make me laugh because I’ve been there once too. Get over yourself and you realize that the black car ride home isn’t worth making $25 an hour and no chance for a real social life.

          • Vader
            April 26, 2010 at 2:27 pm

            What world do you live in, where you would actually want to defend this! This video is so painfully accurate and so ridiculously funny. You are that manager, aren’t you? I feel bad for you.

          • Don O'Nuhten
            April 30, 2010 at 10:42 am

            The banking analyst sounds like a dream job, but who cares?! They didn’t adequately predict, prevent or mitigate the myriad banking FAILURES over the last few years. Now they’re profiting off the recovery? I’d rather have a soul.

          • Wallsheep
            September 13, 2010 at 10:17 pm

            Are you sure? A good friend of mine works at Goldman Sachs. 100 hours a week is a great week, 140 a week is bad but not uncommon. His starting salary was in the 60-70k range and I don’t remember his bonus being worth mentioning. Oh, at 23 he’s more like a 40 year old with a beer gut who’s suffering from stress related health issues. I feel terrible for the poor guy. He wanted to go postal, I don’t blame him. The place is run like North Korea, no contact with the outside world and information is under strict control.

      • big shot
        April 15, 2010 at 12:05 pm

        i thought the size of your penis was everything; wait it is, money is only everything to those who lack inches below the beltline, hence the angry tone – sorry career banker, it’s just genetics rearing its ugly head (or i guess i should say little head)

      • Anonymous
        April 16, 2010 at 5:15 pm

        LOL @ “Wharton”.

        • LOLWharton
          April 30, 2010 at 12:18 am

          LOL
          No one wants to go to Wharton.
          It’s HBS or Stanford, Career Banker.

      • JohnnyW
        April 21, 2010 at 1:50 pm

        Lol. Good stuff. Odd that no-one else noticed the satire.

      • Jon
        April 23, 2010 at 7:15 am

        Apparently making money is not everything, if you are insecure enough to need to come on to an internet forum and defend the banking profession from strangers (using that time tested and bulletproof argument…YOURE JUST JEALOUS!!11!!!).

      • SV
        April 30, 2010 at 5:18 pm

        haha try trading. much more money plus no idiots around you…and no BS, you are judged on the money you make, not how much you can brown nose…

      • May 24, 2010 at 3:28 pm

        Posting comments like this on a video that was made for entertainment and a spoof of corporate banking life really shows some insecurity. I agree completely with “Former Banker” and “Hawks”. As for “Associate” you’re living in a dream world. And “real wealth”? I wonder how you measure it? What is wealth to you? Just dollar signs adding up in your bank account? I also agree with “Vader” I also can’t believe people would actually defend this! I work for a bank. One of the reasons this went so viral is that it is so painfully accurate! And clever to! This is seriously great!

      • Ruben
        June 22, 2010 at 12:28 pm

        @ Careerbanker:

        “Ever wonder why there are more people looking to become bankers (especially at the analyst level) than there are bankers around?”

        Unless you’re doing some sort of manual labor, the above statement will pretty much be true about any job, especially right now.

        Even then, I bet there are still more people looking to be dish washers than there are dish washing jobs available.

      • Wallsheep
        September 13, 2010 at 10:11 pm

        Making money is everything, especially since it’s volatile fiat money in an ever changing economy occupied by many times more people than it can actually support. Life only comes around once, but since you’re uninspired and greedy I suppose you might as well center it around money, what else are you gonna do with all that time? I hope the stacks of cash keep your grave nice and warm. Don’t get butthurt at your lack of a worthwhile talent or skill.

    • durp durp durp
      April 17, 2010 at 11:02 pm

      jesus. i don’t know whether to be more amused or scared to have heard every single line in this despite it having been drafted by an analyst at a different firm in a different country. i guess we’re the same the world over.

      • Cheese
        April 23, 2010 at 1:01 pm

        durp durp durp :
        jesus. i don’t know whether to be more amused or scared to have heard every single line in this despite it having been drafted by an analyst at a different firm in a different country. i guess we’re the same the world over.

        Even scarier…I was in that business more than a decade ago and heard all the same quotes THEN!

    • Ex-Banker
      April 26, 2010 at 6:16 pm

      To provide context for my post: I worked at a “bulge bracket” investment bank and was a “highly rated” analyst. I had multiple offers from my bank to fill open associate roles…without having to go to business school. I am not some disenfranchised loser that couldn’t handle the pressure. While I did not like banking, I am too proud to do a shitty job. I gave it everything I had and by most measures, did really well.

      Let me focus on the positive first: I learned a lot, gained excellent resume fodder, and made way more money than anyone my age should be making. On the other hand, the nature of the work was boring, there were a lot of unethical things happening all the time, and I hated 99% of the people I had to work with. This video is very accurate, which is why it is funny.

      My take on the average investment banker: Some people are douche bags. They love money more than anything else in life. That is because without money, they have nothing. These people most likely come from unloving families, have no friends, and have no meaningful relationships with the opposite sex. A job like investment banking allows these people to fill insecurities in their life with their job title and salary. For these people, investment banking is great. Once in investment banking, these people have “big dick” competitions (aka buying panerai watches and cars) to continue to feed the emptiness they feel inside. I think it’s these toys that give people a flashy impression of investment bankers. In reality, every investment banker I have ever met was a giant nerd that could never get laid without being a millionaire. So they went in to banking to make money, which at the end of the day, was their way to compete with cool, normal guys, that can get pussy without a Porsche.

      I would have never taken time out of my busy day to deal with something like this, but when I read what “Career Banker” said, I felt compelled to shit all over him. He is right about one thing, I am at HBS. It’s great! It is going to give me the tools I need to start my own business and live a life that allows me to get paid while chasing my passions. Make no mistake, investment banking definitely helped me get admitted, but being admitted does not make me who I am. While my life is “Career Banker”‘s wet dream, I would still be a great human being without my money, investment banking, or a degree from HBS. I am proud of that.

      “Career Banker” is right, making money is EVERYTHING…if you have no redeeming qualities other than your bank account.

  2. Anonymous
    April 13, 2010 at 2:42 pm

    wow that is perfect..my one summer spent in ibanking..worst career ever

  3. douche
    April 13, 2010 at 6:16 pm

    as an MD, i must say i was a little disturbed that the analyst spent so much of that associate’s time. i’d fire both of them.

    • April 14, 2010 at 7:37 am

      One could also wonder why an MD of your caliber (who demands such rigor and effort from his underlings as to fire them for wasting 5 minutes of time) is spending his time browsing silly websites such as this one. The irony is profound if you were to apply the same demands to yourself? Maybe that is not the case, thus I personally will not judge. I am just glad you visited and commented on my website. For that, many thanks sir.

      Matthew 7:3

      • SK
        April 14, 2010 at 7:59 am

        I’m not 100% sure that douche really is an MD – i think he was applying some of the “profound irony” of which you speak…?

      • douche
        April 14, 2010 at 1:40 pm

        No, no. I really am an MD. And I was applying some of the irony. (Hence the name with which I chose to register online . . . )

        Anyway, I had forgotten how tedious it was to explain things to analysts. I assumed (based on the work product) that this one had a sense of humor . . . oh, well.

        I was spending my time browsing the website because . . . of course . . . it was forwarded to me by a former analyst. And it is funny — I did a blast email internally and the junior team likes it (but does not say so via email) and the MDs all respond that it is very funny.

        Psalms 2:4

      • April 15, 2010 at 3:35 am

        Mr Douche. Mea Culpa, I spend most of the time making conversation between two lego characters. I am a little out of it so I didn’t pick up on that. See my foot enter my mouth as I type.

      • wow you're dumb
        April 15, 2010 at 12:18 pm

        good work not picking up on his sarcasm…how much more obvious could it be that he was kidding, never mind the name he used! Wtf..

      • wow you're dumb
        April 15, 2010 at 12:21 pm

        …I do have to give you massive probs for the video though. Great work.

    • Goldie
      April 15, 2010 at 9:45 pm

      This MD’s comments are hilarious.

  4. April 13, 2010 at 8:07 pm

    Genius. I will be reaching out to you about leveraging this on my site.

  5. theanalystinthevideo
    April 14, 2010 at 7:10 pm

    sad cause its true.

  6. Anonymous
    April 14, 2010 at 8:40 pm

    lol hilarious stuff.

  7. April 14, 2010 at 10:19 pm

    ZOMG! BANKING SICK FRAT

  8. Anonymous
    April 15, 2010 at 12:18 am

    100% accurate… my life is sad really…

  9. Wanker
    April 15, 2010 at 4:42 am

    Please shoot me. Then again it pays the bills…

    • tom
      April 16, 2010 at 12:43 pm

      that is so profound

  10. eb
    April 15, 2010 at 9:34 am

    THIS IS AWESOME

  11. Steve Jorge
    April 15, 2010 at 1:07 pm

    Where is my power presentation…

  12. Analyst
    April 15, 2010 at 3:06 pm

    Wow, this is unreal how accurate it can be! I had to pause the video 30 seconds in because I was laughing so hard!

  13. bob
    April 16, 2010 at 8:03 am

    The analyst that made this clearly has far too much capacity. Staff him. Staff him ’til his eyes bleed.

    • ignatius
      April 22, 2010 at 12:43 am

      BA-HAHAHAHAHA! where’s the ‘like’ button?

  14. Gretchen Doores
    April 16, 2010 at 1:50 pm

    I don’t work in finance, but I think a lot of this (especially the jargon part) applies to anyone who works in a corporate office of any kind. The video is spectacular and spot on! It made my day (as well as my coworkers’).

  15. techis2isback
    April 16, 2010 at 7:40 pm

    yo this ##### video is retarded… and to Douche and careerbanker… you guys are #### retards.

    seriosly, careerbanker, have you never heard of the tradeoff between time and money that exists in most jobs? You can be money-rich and but you’re certainly going to be time-poor, and most economic and psychological studies confirm that happiness remains constant after $60,000 a year. By some estimates, unless you are very poor and then suddenly have a 10-fold increase in wealth, your general level of happiness will be the same. This is because we get accustomed to the things we can buy and our current material conditions. Also, as society gets richer and there are more substitute goods available, most people aren’t that bad off. Even people in the projects have apple laptops, blackberries, and expensive nike sneakers.

    now this says nothing about personal finances and the debt-load that people endure, and how stupid people are for listening to you shitty little Goldman brokers for peddling ridiculous narrow-ass market ETFs and fuckin bullshit REIT trusts. If people understood a little bit of probability, Efficient Markets Fact (not hypothesis bitch!), and the wise words of Modern Portfolio theory, all you shitty financiers wouldn’t be in this game, and maybe you’d be doing better things with your lives. (like going to your money-rich and time-rich kids’ softball games)

    BDK’s note (Had erase/edit some stuff, I don’t mind you calling me an idiot, but this comment in itself just seems like blatant trolling.)

    • joker
      April 23, 2010 at 4:48 pm

      Unless you’re happy living naked in a dumpster, under $200K doesn’t get you sh*t

    • Michael B.
      July 2, 2010 at 3:12 am

      This is the most brilliant fucking comment on the entire thread. Techis2 has it all right – from the science about happiness (growing richer every day) to the commentary about these financiers pricks needing to be curtailed by good old common sense and a little bit less starry eyed greed by investors, companies, hedge funds, etc.

  16. Anonymous
    April 16, 2010 at 8:39 pm

    Bankers are great. Entrepreneurship, however, is the true way to go.

  17. garbageman
    April 16, 2010 at 10:15 pm

    whats so funny and cool about this? sounded stupid all the way

  18. summer analyst
    April 18, 2010 at 3:47 pm

    I hope my MD is like this. I would work hard, but this would be hilarious. After talking with him thus far, he seems too nice though.

  19. lk
    April 20, 2010 at 12:32 pm

    “Irregardless” 🙂

  20. pk
    April 21, 2010 at 2:11 am

    haha i love this video! analyst, keep up the good work

  21. JohnnyW
    April 21, 2010 at 1:52 pm

    So horribly true to life.

  22. ignatius
    April 22, 2010 at 12:48 am

    in the interest of efficiency, i’m going to ask my firm to replace the 2-week training for incoming analysts with one viewing of this video.

  23. Redgob
    April 22, 2010 at 5:01 pm

    I usually don’t let my analyst sit down. This MD is a wuss.

  24. Vader
    April 24, 2010 at 5:21 pm

    I worked at Accenture for 5 years and I believe I have heard every one of those ridiculous sayings. Even the lipstick on the pig.

    This is amazing! Thank you!

  25. Anon Ymous
    April 30, 2010 at 10:07 am

    AWESOME!!!!

  26. May 6, 2010 at 1:50 pm

    Good stuff. Why I avoided strategy consulting.

    All should also check out “The Story BCG Offered me $16,000 Not to Tell”: http://tech.mit.edu/V130/N18/dubai.html

  27. hahah
    May 11, 2010 at 11:42 pm

    Last Friday our MD showed this at a staff meeting, in place of reading our “voice of the teammate” results…

  28. Dave Miller
    May 12, 2010 at 11:15 am

    I’ve been unemployed for nearly 18 months. Don’t have a pot to piss in or a penny to spend. Am a 49 year old single white male. The complete and total accuracy of this video affirms my solid belief that I am indeed the luckiest and happiest man on the face of the Earth, bar none.

  29. jmwatt
    June 14, 2010 at 10:37 pm

    The video is accurate. I am a current VP (M&A). I give out bonuses and if you’re curious, our Analysts get $60K + $60K. Associates get $100K + $110K. VPs are paid $150 + $500K. The job is hectic and analysts get the shaft when it comes to crap projects. That has to do w/ the fact that they are inexperienced and don’t add much value beyond .xls and .ppt…yet. They make the same mistakes over and over and look like hell in the morning after working very long hours. So, no they don’t often come to client meetings because they would be useless. We need them to churn out work. They work long hours so they get paid well. There is no work/life balance. It is just work. I do it for the money. Period. Some do it for the extra house in the Hamptons. I don’t like that extra junk, it would mean I would have to be a banker for a few more years. But, I am grateful for my career. I paid for my undergrad, paid off my B School loans, paid cash for my house, and I have a retirement savings (sort of, my portfolio sucks). I know I am better off from a monetary perspective compared to working in a corporate job and scraping by on $120K in NYC. I keep going so I have extra $ to donate a few thousand to charities that are close to my heart. But, I have also lost countless hours with friends and family, have few vacations each year, always work during vacation and often have to leave vacations early. Obviously there is a trade off and I will trade this job for a better social life soon. Until then, it’s only about a few extra dollars in my savings account.

    • Boutique Banker
      July 23, 2010 at 2:49 pm

      Boutique, baby!

    • Chris
      December 16, 2010 at 12:03 pm

      Thanks for that honest account, mate! Truly serious, far too few decent blokes in that line of work.

    • Tim
      August 8, 2011 at 5:10 pm

      Thats really refreshing to hear an honest account. I thank you for giving me some peace of mind in concentrating my job search efforts elsewhere with minimal regret for not pursuing investment banking as a career, although I do find the industry fascinating. I think the key was that you validated that there is indeed no work/life balance, which I often wondered if this could be true or if it was just exaggerated.

      While some people subscribe to the mentality of basically sacrificing your analyst years so you can live the good life in your latter years, luxury isnt important enough for me. While I consider myself ambitious, the idea of completely immersing myself to one cause just isnt in the cards. Id rather have time for friends, family, sleep, other interests and making the most of my youth, at the expense of a more modest paycheck. I also have to sort of like the work im doing, not just my paycheck, prestige, perks.

      Although I think wall street could use a honest guy like me. I think if they just let their analyst get some sleep, it wouldnt be such a bad gig. Its like playing survivor. Any firms that treat their junior people like people?

  30. Cathy
    August 17, 2010 at 10:16 am

    Haha, it’s not just big IB either–I worked for a small, family run VC/Consulting firm that looooooved these kinds of meetings with all the same vocabulary.

    I have a sneaking suspicion that people who talk like this are use jargon like a fog machine…. it blurs the fact that they’re either incompetent or just not doing anything.

    Either way, I left with utterly no idea what I had been told to do… so not effective.

    On the topic of banking though, I was doing a little research myself and at least this description of the lifestyle of an investment banking analyst seemed fairly accurate and unbiased–and corresponds with the above video.

    Which leads me to ask–would anybody actually go into this line of work for the love of it? Or is it really only about the money?

    • Chris
      December 16, 2010 at 12:01 pm

      You got it – it´s all about the money, that´s it.

      The world could live without Investmentbankers, but not without nurses, doctors or policemen.

      Did the really needed goups cause the GFC? I don´t think so…why are the bankers earning so much money? Because they steal it, simple as that – and don´t get me mistaken: I am a trader and live from trading stocks, but my opinion on these bloodsuckers stands.

      Which percentage of takeovers/mergers had a long term success in the past 20 years? Yes, less than 6%.

      Why not compensate IB´s on the success of what they deliver? Ah, right – then they would starve.

  1. April 12, 2010 at 3:59 pm
  2. April 14, 2010 at 9:05 am
  3. April 14, 2010 at 7:11 pm
  4. April 15, 2010 at 8:29 pm
  5. April 16, 2010 at 7:08 pm
  6. May 18, 2010 at 12:01 pm
  7. July 26, 2010 at 2:47 pm
  8. September 20, 2010 at 4:38 am
  9. April 24, 2011 at 8:06 pm
  10. December 8, 2011 at 7:46 pm

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